I haven’t written anything since #Swag released last month.

That sentence was easy to type, but I swear the earth shook beneath me when I wrote it. I had a “schedule” planned out, dates picked out for upcoming releases – I’ve blown that schedule all to hell because I haven’t written anything in several weeks.

The final book in the GearShark series, #BLUR (Arrow’s book) I planned to release later this month. I’m still on chapter one.

Actually, baring the Hashtag Series announcement I just made, my release schedule is shifted around even more, so Arrow might be frozen on Ch. 1 for a little longer yet.

I figured I would sit down and write out this post as an update/what’s coming from me soon… and honestly, as a person sitting down and talking to her readers/peers.

It seems like more than a “here’s what’s coming post”. It feels like maybe I owe an explanation for my “absence” even though really I haven’t been that absent.

I’ve still been sending out newsletters, posting on social media and working on a few new rebranding things (check out the new header for this website!) and adding some things to jazz up my fan club. I also traveled to Nashville for UtopiaCon where I signed books, had a photoshoot (for an upcoming book) and won some awards. Four awards to be exact (we’ll get to that).

#Swag released last month (June) so I’ve been promoting that as well.

But, I still feel absent.

So why, even in the midst of work, do I feel like I haven’t been around? Because in my heart I haven’t been.

I feel like sometimes it’s good to be “real”, sometimes getting online and posting banging promo’s and pretty words all the time sets a precedent. Actually I know it does. I saw/heard evidence of it at Utopia.

That’s not a complaint in the least, a precedent is good. A positive reputation is good. This is just something I noticed and have really been thinking about lately. I think it might be good to see the person behind the brand, behind the books, behind the “success”.

So if you want to see that, keep reading. If you don’t, you can stop here. Lol. OR you can skip down to my release order/plans for the year and then skedaddle.

2016 has been a hard year in publishing for me. From what I hear, it’s been a hard year in publishing for everyone. As I spoke to people at Utopia, I realized it really isn’t just me, it’s a whole lot of us and basically the industry as a whole.

A lot of people in our community (Not ALL people, but some authors and readers alike) view me as “on top” right now. I just won Author of the Year, Best contemporary book of the year (#Heart), Best Book Trailer of the Year (#Nerd) and Best contemporary series of the year (Hashtag series, 2nd year in a row).

Freaking amazing.

Here’s the thing though, I haven’t felt like I am on top. I don’t consider myself some big name or brand. In fact, I’ve felt discouraged, beaten down, tired and worn out. While in Nashville, I spoke on a panel about Self Doubt. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t too keen on speaking on that panel. Know why? Because I felt like I was going to have to tell people how to overcome self-doubt, but I have no idea how. I struggle with it every day.

So I said that. I was honest about it. I was terrified I would sound whiny and negative. I was worried I would sound discouraging. I’m worried about sounding that way now. I’m not whining and trying to be negative, I’m just being honest about my state of mind in the business right now. It’s hard to be that honest about something when it almost makes you feel ashamed for feeling that way.

Ashamed?

Yes.

I won awards, I have great covers, a solid following on social media. I’m successful. I shouldn’t feel discouraged and tired. I should be grateful.

I am grateful. So much. But here’s the thing. Having “success” doesn’t make you confident. At least not me. If anything it puts on some added pressure.

When I won those awards I was so happy inside because 1) I feel like it’s some kind of acknowledgement for all the work I’ve done and to be frank, I feel like I haven’t gotten much of it (in the sense of rankings, lists, etc.). 2) If I can win awards then anyone can.

But.

Also, at the same time, there is a voice in the back of my head telling me there are people who think I don’t deserve those awards. People who are mad I won them. (No one has said this to me, its just a voice in my head).

And also, people who feel bad about themselves because I won. People who feel discouraged, that maybe they will never get to my “level of success”. This bothers me more than anything because I know what it’s like to be discouraged, didn’t I just say I’m there now? I would never want to be the cause of that for someone else.

So let me just tell you:

I’m scared my best series is the Hashtag and Gearshark Series and I will never write anything as great again. I’m scared I will and no one will notice it. I’m scared my last book is my best book that will ever capture that “magic”. I’m scared all the marketing and work I’ve done for the last 5 years will be for nothing and somehow I will fade away into a forgotten author, my books will fade away into the shadows.

I feel at times no matter how hard I work; it will never be hard enough. Sometimes in all honesty I think the universe works against me.

If I’m “so successful” why don’t I have an agent? A big book deal? A movie? A TV series? Why haven’t I hit NYT or USA Today bestseller lists? Why can’t I make it into the top 100 on amazon?

Yeah, I have a lot of followers on Facebook, but that doesn’t always translate into sales.

As someone once said in response to the open letter I wrote to BN, no one cares about my opinion because I have no agent, no deals and no titles. I’m just whiny because I don’t get my way.

Side note: I don’t agree with that. Lol. But however, hateful comments sometimes DO prey on our own deepest fears about ourselves, right?

Then there’s been the copying. I’m not making this a thing right now. I’m not outing anyone and I’m not calling anyone out. But it’s there for me, so I’m mentioning it.

I’ve seen/read quite a few books that are basically copies of #Nerd. No, I’m not talking plagiarism. I’m talking straight up copying. Same plot, same characters, same style of chapter heading (BuzzBoss)… etc (it goes beyond a jock  and nerd theme). I see some marketing being copied, etc. Again, not talking anyone specific or anything. That drags me down, because it’s hard to sometimes see something copied do well or get good response and me feel ripped off.

#Swag was super stressful to release, behind the scenes. I swear if it could go wrong it did.

Basically guys, I’ve gotten tired. Worn down, discouraged.

Sales are down for a lot of us right now. Lots of factors go in to it but I’ll skip that stuff and just tell you, sales are down now. This business is like a rollercoaster up and down, up and down.

The down has hit a lot of us hard these days because it’s hard to go from up to a steep down so fast. It makes you question yourself, your ability to write, to market, to sell.

It makes you question your confidence.

Around the time I released #Swag whenever I sat down at my laptop to work I would cry. I know, I’m ridiculous.

But really, it was a sign that I needed a break. I didn’t want to take one, because again, what if my absence means people forget? There are SO many books and authors out there, keeping any kind of place in this world of books is kind of like grasping onto a wobbly branch on the side of the mountain while you dangle off it over a bottomless pit.

Dramatic much? Well, I am a writer.

So I kind of called a truce with myself. Well, half truce, half bargain.

I cancelled two upcoming book signings. I didn’t want to do it and I still feel really bad about it. But I had too. I’m tired, overwhelmed and honestly I just want to stay home with my new puppy. (LOL)

I decided to take a break from writing instead of pushing myself to sit at my laptop a million hours a day and pound out my next book. But I still had to market some, I still had a book signing (Utopia), and I would still think plots, etc.

It’s been nice in a sense, to not be pounding at the keyboard so much. Nice to see my kids more, to be “clear-headed” and not trying to exist in two worlds (the real one and the one I’m writing).

Am I any less discouraged?

Maybe.

I think more than anything, I’m less exhausted.

And I realized I’d misplaced something that had gotten me to where I am today with my career.

I can’t (we can’t) let the thoughts that prey on our confidence stop us from doing something we love. Something we really want to do.

It’s so easy to look around the internet and see what other people are doing, the success they are achieving and feel like maybe our own success is lacking somehow.

It’s not.

Take it from me, most people (I said most, not all) think I am doing amazing right now. I won’t argue, things are good. My readers are no lie the BEST. My readers literally keep me going a lot of days. But I still struggle. I still wish I was doing better.

So I took a break. Tried to recharge. Blew a deadline.

I’m worried my career might take a hit because of it. But it won’t. You know why?

Because I didn’t quit. I don’t give up. I told the voices in my head to shut the hell up.

Well not all of them. I told the characters they could talk.

I might never hit a list, get an agent or see a movie deal. I might never see my paperbacks distributed on Barnes and Noble bookshelves. That doesn’t make me less than. And it doesn’t mean I should stop trying.

It will make every little victory even tastier.

At least I’ll know I’m stronger than any of the self-doubt that tries to take me down.

And hey, now I know I can still write something because I just wrote this hella long blog post. Which honestly, I hope if you are struggling right now (in this business or even just in life with work, family or the way you look and feel) that you got something out of it and something out of my transparency. You aren’t alone with your doubt, or your struggles. Everyone deals with it, knowing that is half the battle.

 

Release Plans

As I mentioned, I originally planned to release #Blur and then #Bae. I’ve known I’m doing #Bae for a while, I haven’t wanted to announce because it means making you guys wait. But since I did the photo shoot in Nashville – and if you follow me on snapchat you saw my snap- people there asked and I answered. So, YES. I am writing the baby book you all have wanted for so long. I literally get asked for this book every day. It’s quite intimidating because I want to live up to the first 7 books in this series and make it be great.

I always planned to have #Bae out by fall so since the photo shoot inspired me, because Good Lord, you guys. I was in the same room with Romeo and Rimmel (Nathan and Jeddah) at the same time. I cried. I cried and put on sunglasses to try and hide the fact I was crying. Then I went back to my room and cried. (no lie I swear I’m turning into a blubbering baby).

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(behind the scenes of our Nashville photo shoot. photo cred: Nathan Weller)

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They are so perfect and seeing them beside each other was like someone reaching into my head and pulling out my thoughts and plunking them in front of me. It was my favorite thing I did in Nashville.

Anyway, because of that inspiration and the fact I really want to have this book out this fall, I am writing #Bae before #Blur (#Blur is GearShark #4 – Arrow’s book).

I figured you might not get so mad that I am swapping them because I know you guys love Romeo. Lol.

However, I WILL still be doing Arrow’s book. I already have the cover and Oh My Word. That’s all I’ll say about that.

Arrow is in my head patiently waiting…. And I won’t let him wait for long.

So we are looking at #Bae, then #Blur.

I had another book planned for the end of the year (unannounced) and I will still try to get it out, if not it will be after the holidays.

I do apologize for cancelling 2 book signings this year. I feel bad about it, but I want to focus on the books. The writing and taking care of that business.

I do still have 2 events this year I will be attending. One in August in Michigan and one in California, the first weekend of October.

2017 my events are booked. I will be in NYC, New Orleans, Las Vegas, and Nashville. I have an invite back to California so I may add that. We’ll see. You can see all of my scheduled events on my event page HERE.

I get asked about overseas signings a lot. I’ve been invited to several, but at this time I cannot swing it. With two kids, a house, pets, it’s hard for me to travel that far right now. I do want to at some point, so it’s a possibility but at this time it’s not in my near future.

 

So yes, books are coming. Slower than I planned, but life happens I suppose. Until then I will share teasers, keep you updated and you can catch up on any books of mine you haven’t read (like what I did there? #ShamelessSelfPromotion).

If you are so inclined, you can sign up for my Newsletter and/or join my fan club on Facebook.

 

Whew! We made it! If you’ve read to this point you deserve a medal.

Thank you for all the support, I truly do appreciate it.

If you have any other burning questions, feel free to leave them below and I will answer!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

21 Comments

  1. Absolutely an amazing blog post.
    You are an incredible woman and an extremely talented author <3

  2. Cambria,

    I don’t have a question but I just want to say THANK YOU so very much for entertaining us readers with your characters. I appreciate the time you take away from your family and real life to write promote tease and interact with us fans. Are we anxiously awaiting the release of Arrow’s story uh heck yes. Will we gladly take Romeo and Rimmel adding to the #Hashtag family instead you bet! I’m sure you have haters but I hope that the love and support you get from us fans helps to drown them out. I only follow you on Facebook but I enjoy the sneak peek you give into your life. Enjoy your time out and let those characters out whenever they feel ready. Trust me we’ll still be here.

  3. I love this post. I hate that you are feeling down, but so am I… so it’s nice to not be alone 😉

    I’m one of those grass is greener gals. You know… even though I’ve made more in royalties this month that I’ve made in my entire life (monthwise), I’m still kinda down. Because I’m not *them* and I’m not where *they are*.

    Posts like this are needed to see that we are all in the same boat. It is so hard to do this job/hobby/life. It’s hard to juggle everything, the worry (MY GOSH THE WORRY!).

    I had the same thoughts as you: What if (in my case the Heartless series) is my bestselling series ever? What if I never make a list? What if this is it? What if… what if… what if… and I ALMOST wrote a blog post about it, but I chickened out. Thank you for not chickening out.

    I have a ‘happy buddy’ named Tia who kicks me in the bottom when I get down. We all need a Tia. (I hope you have a Tia). I also have other friends who we facebook chat and keep each other writing. Because it is hard.

    I’ve rambled. I’m sorry. Just know you are not alone. I was at utopia too. I saw you win your 4 awards. I was happy just to be nominated 😉 (PS You looked beautiful). Take some time and happy writing! (I need to listen to my own advice 😉 ) We got this. <3 ~Kelly

  4. I just wanted to say that I love your books and you need to take care of yourself first. Your true fans will be here when you are ready to release something. I have seen some of the copying (nerd/jock romances) but I’m definitely not even interested in reading them. Nothing else will ever compare to the #Hashtag Series! <3 #Nerd forever!

  5. Hi Cambria,

    I haven’t read your books, but I saw you at last year’s UtopYA and at this year’s Utopia. I sat in on the self-doubt panel, and as soon as you began sharing your experiences, I added you as a friend on Facebook. I knew right away that I wanted to keep hearing your thoughts because they were so relatable. It’s easy to look at someone from the outside and consider them successful and put together, when really they can be absolutely falling apart. The truth is that we never know what’s going on in someone’s life. It was so inspiring to hear you talk at the panel. Thanks for lighting a fire under my ass. 😉

    Jadah

  6. I needed to read this. I was at the self-doubt panel at Utopia, and finally felt like I wasn’t alone. My debut novel was a massive success, but my second novel didn’t do anything…at all. I had figured since I had all these readers they would read my next book too, didn’t happen.
    So I went into a phase of writers depression and felt like every single word was crap, and what was the point? What was the point of trying to write another novel?
    It took a while to wrap my head around the fact that the two books are two very different books, and will have different readers. And also, while I thought the second was a failure, it really wasn’t. I know many authors who would have LOVED those sales.

    Anyway, it’s been a year and a half since I published anything. And my current WIP, I’ve been working on for over a year. The words started slow…but have since picked up, when I finally decided that I needed to go back to writing because I loved the story and not writing for what I think the readers want.
    Scary, but needed.

    Anyway, thank you for the post, and for making me not feel alone. 🙂

  7. Cambria,

    Life happens. I believe 100% that in order to be truly successful and happy, you must have balance in all areas, family, work, and self. It’s okay that you need to take a break. It’s okay that you need to change things up. You’re human. You need to take care of yourself first and foremost. While waiting is going to suck, it’s okay. I love your books and I know it’s going to be worth the wait.
    I hope you feel better soon and you get the rest and refocus that you need. Just take a deep breath and you got this!!

    Hugs!!

  8. I think your books are amazing!every single one of them!You and your family should always come first and I’m syre every single one of your fans will be quite happy waiting for your next book no matter how long it takes because they know it will be amazing!

  9. I think anyone who creates art (writing is very much a work of art to me) has self doubt. Take the time you need to decompress and enjoy your family and adorable little Ivy! As a faithful reader and aspiring writer I will be patiently waiting.

  10. Thank you for making me feel a little bit stronger today. Loved the words you wrote.I am a fan and will always be a fan of your writing. Xoxo

  11. I’m not sure how you could doubt you have more fantastic books in your future. I can honestly say I fell in love with your writing by reading the heaven and hell and death escorts series. I was reluctant to read the hashtag series because I lean towards the paranormal. That being said I binge read every book in the hashtag series a few months ago and am on the third re-read. You have such wonderful talent. I understand the self doubt, I live with it every day, just know you are a great writer, but we all need “me” time. Take it, enjoy it & know we will all be here holding our breath until that #Bae gets here 💜

  12. I am emailing myself the link to this post because there are days where the self doubt and discouragement take root and I just need to know I’m not alone and we all struggle with it at some point. So thank you for this transparent post it has helped me and I will be sharing it with my author friends who also might need to read it. 🙂

  13. Cambria thank you thank you thank you thank you sooooo much!!! One of my favorite things about you is that you always keep us updated. I have twitter notifications turned on just so I can see what you’re up to the second you tweet something LOL. We really appreciate all the hard work and time you put in to all of your books, keep it up champ!

  14. Hi Cambria…

    I said this to you on facebook not knowing what you said in this post, but after reading it even more – people want to know “you”. I didn’t know you beyond a name and some witty hashtag titles until a few weeks ago.
    But you know what struck me, what word I have used to describe you each time since Nashville?

    Humble.

    Being successful doesn’t mean you come home to streamers and flowers every day. And there is no magic pill that will make you feel successful, just like there’s no drink that can make you sexy.

    But then there will be those days when you see a random spike in sales, and suddenly you’ll get that momentary thrill – just like when you wear an outfit and you glimpse yourself in the mirror, thinking, “I look good today.”

    I recently made some major changes in my life. I needed to re-assess what I was doing because I was drowning – every day. As luck would have it, those changes came in a way I hadn’t planned, but suddenly, I could breathe.

    I was living again.

    Don’t drain yourself, don’t judge yourself, don’t downplay yourself. Just live for this moment and what you’re doing today. THAT is success.

    I am so glad to have your in my circle <3

  15. To be honest I’m typically very silent on social media and not one to post but I have to respond to this. I just want to let you know I am a huge fan! And while it pains me to have to wait longer for your books (in an utterly selfish I can’t get enough of them way) You are amazing! I truely admire not only your writing but the open and honest way you treat your fans. I love your series and you have kept me coming back again and again through both the #hashtag and #gearshark series and I will continue to keep coming back regardless of how long I have to wait.
    You absolutely have to put yourself first and take care of yourself and if this means we have to wait longer and live with a little disappointment then so be it. I hope I speak for everyone when I say that meeting time frames should not be at the expense of your health and well being.

    Please please do not feel bad, please know you are loved and appreciated by your fans and most importantly THANK YOU for being you. While I wouldn’t assume to know you personally your honesty in this post is refreshing and only makes me respect you more.

  16. I think we all have times we are just down! I appreciate your writing! I love being able to get lost in my books! The hashtag series is my absolute favorite and I am so excited to get a baby book! You rock! I don’t know how sales are doing but being in Texas I know summer is all about outdoors ( not for me hate the heat) hopeful it will pick up for you! Without authors like yourself I have to do more adulting and less reading and adulting sucks! Thanks for all you do!

  17. I got to know your books from Take it off which I can only hope there will be more. Then the hash tag books. YEY for #Bae and I love your writing. Glad to see you are better in a way. Hoping it will pick up for you and it will get better. Thanks for all you do! Can’t wait for more 🙂

  18. I just want to say reading your post was exactly what I needed to hear right now. I’m a graduate student struggling to finish a dissertation and doubts, fears, anxieties, discouragement, and yes SHAME have plagued me nonstop making it hard to write. Reading this helped me to give myself a little credit and help me remind myself that my self-doubt won’t take me down either!

  19. You are an amazing writer. Huge fan of your books!!!
    Don’t get down on yourself.
    #haters gonna hate BUT #lovers gonna love ur books.

  20. Thank you for being so amazingly kind and writing this. I recently asked if I could request in your group to get loaned books as I had just finished the first book and then was unable to buy the rest due to personal issues. Well those personal issues are the fact that one of my dogs was diagnosed with cancer. She won’t be here much longer she’s ten and the sweetest dog we’ve ever had. Then my 7yo Yorkie-poo who has had 2 heart surgeries herniated two discs in his back and I am looking at a $5k surgery if he needs it. My animals come before books and I wish that wasn’t the way it was, but they are my children. When I asked you didn’t hesitate to tell me that I was definitely allowed to ask for something to lend you the books. You have no idea how much that meant to me. I promise as soon as I get back on my feet and stop crying so much I will be purchasing your books cause they are amazing. Thank you for everything you’ve done and are doing. We all need vacations every once in awhile.

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