Werewolf Wednesday #21
|May 30, 2012||Posted by Cambria under Werewolf Wednesday|
Welcome to Werewolf Wednesday where the moon is always full and I am howling. Every single Wednesday I will be profiling a new werewolf from books, TV or movies. I might also mix it up a bit some weeks and throw in some other furry fun!! Please feel free to join and howl along with me every week!
This week for Werewolf Wednesday I have a guest post from a werewolf author. Frank Smith is the author of newly released, Wolf Song. You may remember the interview I did with him a few WW’s ago.
Anywhoo, I invited Frank back to tell us what his opinion is on Werewolf vs. Vampires. And so he did! Take it away Frank!
Vampires vs. Werewolves by Frank Smith
I figured I should sit down and answer the age-old question that has plagued mankind since the dawn of time; just why are werewolves so much better than vampires? Now we live in an age where just saying vampires suck, if you will pardon the pun, isn’t enough. We have to clarify exactly which vampires we are talking about. Are we talking about the time before Bram Stoker, those misty ancient ages? Are we talking about the time, and I shudder for this, AFTER Ann Rice? Blame Stephanie Meyer all you want, but it was Rice who ruined vampires for all time and turned them from brooding killing machines into a vapid simpering homo-erotic parody fit for today’s pop-culture.
Let’s focus on some things that have stayed the same. Vampires have always been aloof and thought themselves better than regular humans. Look at ‘Count’ Dracula. Vampires were nobles, out of touch with the common man. Countess Elizabeth Báthory de Ecsed, who supposedly bathed in the blood of countless common girls, was also rumored to be or believed herself to be a vampire. Good old Vlad III the Impaler, Prince of Wallachia is the crux of most post-Stoker vampire legends. You see what I am saying? All vampires were rooted in the very thought that they were better than you. Quick—honestly, if I asked if was Marie Antoinette a vampire or a werewolf, what would your response be? I think most of us could see her screaming her words right before the guillotine, “Let them eat neck!” You are nothing to vampires except food or a plaything.
Now werewolves on the other hand pleaded to be normal. They wanted to be John Everyman or Jane Allgirl. They just want a midnight snack that didn’t consist of three of the neighbor’s sheep and perhaps a sibling. They wanted to be the guy at the local tavern, who could hang out and be like you. There was no greater pleasure for a werewolf than to be free of the plague of lycanthropy. The werewolves hate his curse, where the vampires relish in the power. Which type of person would you rather be? Would you vote for the guy who pleaded for you to lock him up and chain him in a room before he hurt someone or the guy who told you, “Shhh everything will be all right, just go to sleep. I’ll keep an eye on you!” Then sucks you dry like a politician on tax day?
Now on to the more modern times. This whole topic got me thinking of what modern werewolves and vampires would be like in real life, again this is after Rice and Meyers. What magazines would you find werewolves in? My guess would be Soldier of Fortune, Tattoo magazine and Field and Stream while vamps would be featured in Tiger Beat, Bop and giving bad advice at Cosmo or thefrisky.com.
I could totally see the wolves in a grunge or heavy metal band, while the bats dance along feverishly to Bieber or any boy band.
Now, I thought long and hard on this one: Which reality show would I most likely find a lycanthrope on? The answer was simple—Cops. I can imagine a werewolf running down the street naked, except for a wife-beater T-shirt, with a forty-ounce in one hand and giving the cops the finger with the other as he stumbles along, howling at the moon. The vampires are another easy one based on today’s version: How to Catch a Predator. I can just see Ed Cullen walking up to Bella’s house and the announcer jumps out. “Sir what are you doing here? You do realize you are over a hundred years old and you are seducing a minor, do you not? You sad, pathetic pervert! You even enrolled in a high school to prey on underage girls! You make me sick! Take him away, boys!” *Cut scene* to where the inmates find out just how sparkly he is.
And lastly, werewolves would use an old-fashioned gym. One where it looks like the inside of someone’s garage and all the weights are free weights and no one would give a damn what they looked like. Vampires would be in the trendy spots, using elliptical machines and complaining how the new high-tech rowing equipment scuffs their manicures and dries out their ponytails and how they just can’t wait to have an o-negative latte.
Really, what is there that anyone sees in vampires? They are either privileged serial killers in the old times or hairless non-threatening drama queens in the new. People really like that? I guess I am just old-fashioned, but give me a werewolf any day!
If I was hard-pressed to find anything about vamps that was better than wolves I would have to say their smell. I can imagine that a wet sweaty werewolf, fresh from the gym, would be eye-wateringly potent, compared to a vampire’s smell of baby powder and hand lotion.
Check out Frank’s book Wolf Song on amazon:
So what do you think about Vampire vs. Werewolves?